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I cannot believe in 3 days I will be dropping my middle child off at college.

One and a half hours away.

On one hand I’m happy he didn’t choose to attend college in Alaska but on the other, it’s one and a half hours away.

Life as we currently know it is changing. I am incredibly excited to witness him grow and thrive and become independent all on his own but I’m also selfishly sad that he is leaving the nest.

This is how life is supposed to go though, right?

We spend 18 years with our babies, preparing them to live a fulfilled and resilient life all on their own. We go into parenthood knowing that one day they will leave to begin their own life away from mom and dad.

However, when I reflect on the last 18 years that he’s been under my wing my heart can’t help but feel fatigued with agonizing sadness.

This child I carried for 9 months, sang to at 2am feedings, bandaged scraped knees, gave treatments to when having asthma attacks, watched with enthusiasm when learning new skills, celebrated accomplishments with and mourned with, gave pep talks to and listened to, eagerly awaited to arrive home on the bus, laughed at made up jokes and all the other loving things a mother does for her children. I guess you could say that I am grieving those memories.

The years have flown by and I feel as if I didn’t cherish them enough.

The distance to our new normal of being empty nesters is closer than the distance of the creation of those precious, young children memories. Loving our children so very deeply comes with consequences. Great joy but also great sorrow.

I have to assume that most parents feel this way when sending children out into the world. That we all are filled with hope and excitement when they turn 18 but also filled with apprehension, for ourselves and for them.

I have to assume that friends who have walked this path before me (who have given loving advice to get me through this phase of life) have survived their own children moving away. So I will survive this, too.

I have to assume that it’s okay for me to feel sadness AND joy. Unease AND excitement.

I feel guilty for feeling sad; I know it’s for selfish reasons. I remind myself of how blessed I am to be able to witness this newly forged road he’s creating for himself. And I couldn’t be more proud and enthusiastic for what’s to come.

Hope you all have a wonderful week ahead – praying for you and sending love to you.

♥ ~JB

JB Photo and Design, LLC | Jenni Blake is based out of Leavenworth County, Kansas.  We love to capture images of people and landscape, create graphic art, bake all things in the “yummy stuff” category, as well as throw encouragement and light throughout our corner of internet land.

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