Pinterest-ing Pins | Weekly Inspiration and Reflection | Hibernation is Real | 1/21/22

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Good morning and Happy Friday dear Friends!

Thinking about my resolution making Friends and curious how it’s going for you? I hope you are having much success and are giving yourself grace if it’s not going according to your plan or vision.

Long ago I gave up on the making of a resolution in the New Year. I knew myself well enough and the thought of holding myself accountable during the New Year seemed like a far fetched dream and always ended with me piling truckloads of shame upon my heart because I wasn’t conquering the goal – the resolution – I had set for myself.

And, if I’m being completely transparent with you, the cold, dark winters always equal HIBERNATION for me. The darker and colder the day the more I want to be at home in my pajamas under a warm blanket. And like true hibernation no matter how much I just stuffed my belly with I wanted more. My body would instinctively want more. I would gorge myself silly with all the food feeling like I need to prepare for a long winter of solitude, rest and confinement. This intuitive response to the winter season never made my generic “lose weight” resolution easy or attainable. #keepingitreal

Side note – but on those few winter days that the sun was shining and it was decent outside I would be just fine. I would have the alertness and energy to exercise and didn’t feel the need to eat continuously. (There has got to be an explanation and connection for all of this – I cannot be the only one who feels it? Send me a message if you feel that way or have heard of any theories about it. I would LOVE to know. )

A few years ago I found the idea of claiming one word for the year. One word to focus on, to strive for, to encompass every goal for the entire year. This seemed like something that could withstand the hibernation period and could be implemented for the long haul. Like having ONE WORD would be and could be more easily managed and therefore less shame inducing.

This could be only me that feels like this but hey, I’m keeping it real with ya’ll.

In 2017 was my first word instead of a resolution, and my word was TRUTH.

As I had mentioned HERE and HERE that year was a turning point in my adult life. That was the year of finding out truths and realizing that the TRUTH I carried within my heart and soul that I had stuffed and swept under the rug for so long due to accusations of being false, were in fact THE ENTIRE TRUTH. (Side note – it’s funny how the same people who don’t want you to own (or speak) your truth are the same people who accuse you of being insecure or “always” creating drama.)

*stepping off my soap box*

I was finally on a quest to find MY truth.

2018 and 2019 I was too buried in anguish and survival mode that I couldn’t muster up a go-to narrative for the year.

2020 and 2021 were a coming out, or shedding all of the parts that weren’t truly me. Around this time the book UNTAMED by Glennon Doyle was released and when she posted [the pic below] on social media it hit hard with all that I felt. So of course this word was my new found anthem…UNTAMED.

At that time I did an incredibly long post about this word of the year that included the image above. This post was never shared publicly as it just seemed too raw to throw out into the world. But a snippet of that post is below::

I have spent my whole life shrinking and TAMING myself so to not affect others. Trying to cultivate my entire being into what someone else wanted. To change myself into what they wanted me to be instead of what I wanted to be because I thought (as I had been gaslighted to believe) that there was something innately wrong with who I was.

I have lived through incredible pain handed to me by those closest who tried to tame me into something that would fit into their disillusioned life. I have allowed so much heartbreak because I wasn’t brave enough or strong enough to say THIS IS NOT RIGHT NOR OKAY.

Without going into detail about whom was harming me I will say that emotional abuse, specifically covert emotional abuse, can bring more shame to the victim due to no one believing them. Just because you aren’t the one being abused don’t assume that since the perpetrator is so kind and caring that they are like that with everyone.

I would shove my intuition (again – INFJ’s have freakishly accurate intuition!) just because the liar would tell me I’m not trusting/qualified/loving/grateful/supportive/pretty/clean/thin/smart/good enough when in fact, my intuition was spot on each and every time in every painful scenario.

I didn’t have confidence in my truth. I listened to their false narrative instead of my inner self screaming that something was wrong. Manipulation was the game I didn’t realize I was playing.

I shoved my voice down so far that the only way she could find her way out was by physical illness. Migraines, (perforated) ulcers, fatigue, fibromyalgia, anxiety, panic attacks, multiple auto-immune diseases, irregular heartbeat, chronic fatigue, dissociation…my body was begging for a change.

I have dug deep inside myself to find the root(s) of the issue. I continue to do a lot of processing and sorting and understanding what happened to make me decide this was an okay way to live. These past few years have been some of the most heart-wrenching and bottom-of-the-pit dwelling that I have ever had to claw my way out of. I’ve had to find the strength inside myself that I didn’t know was there.

Though my journey of growing and learning and becoming is not over, who I am now is someone I am proud of. I became wild and untamed and cut ties with judgemental people and shed some of the survival tactics that became my normal. I have it soak deep within my heart that unconditional love does not equal unconditional tolerance.

In 2020 I was encouraged and driven to dive all in to the new found freedom and decided to have the word of the year documented on a thermos. One of my girlfriends does this on the side and she created it exactly how I envisioned it – pic below.

2022 after feeling like I’m finally on my feet again, my word of the year is FLOURISH. It’s time to live life full of love.

Love for others, yes, but mostly for MYSELF.

It’s time that I live in my truth.

Connected to my intuition / knowing.

To not be the emotional punching bag of those who are afraid to get deep within themselves and find true healing.

To not sweep things under the rug just to make others comfortable.

To wade into the deep of who I am and not throw life jackets to those who are scared of wading in the deep. Be here, be all in if you want. I will sit with you but I will not rescue you. You have to do your hard work just like I have to do my hard work. True healing cannot be found by clawing at someone else to save you.

Whew – that was more than I was going to write. But it’s out there now.

I hope you have someone in your corner who will sit in the deep with you and hold space for you and allow you to be the authentic lovely soul you are. We each deserve that.

I hope you enjoy this weeks inspirations and reflections. Have a blessed week!

XO ~ JB

JB Photo and Design, LLC | Jenni Blake is based out of Leavenworth County, Kansas but proudly serves the areas of Lawrence KS, Tonganoxie KS, Basehor KS, Eudora KS, Leawood KS, Mcclouth KS, Spring Hill KS, Gardner KS, Eudora KS, Lenexa KS, Olathe KS, Bonner Springs KS, Leavenworth KS, Overland Park KS and surrounding areas.  We love to capture images of seniors, families, children, events, landscape, maternity, and macro. But we also love to bake homemade items with love from our kitchen.

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